I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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