i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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