Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You are the jesus of drinking
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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