Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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