I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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