Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
