walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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