Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
