He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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