I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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