the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
