I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
