how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
