WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I enjoy the company of your penis
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
