I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
