She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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