my sisters under your porch take her home
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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