I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
