Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
