once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
