OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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