i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
