i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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