Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
