some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
