theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
