You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
