i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
