ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
