i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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