You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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