I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
