for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
