Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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