I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
