I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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