It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
