Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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