i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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