Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
