It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
