Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
