I think I won the penis lottery.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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