Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
