My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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