Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
