Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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