I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dear god my vagina.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
