Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
