I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
