I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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