i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
