he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
