my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
