He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
