I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
