i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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