I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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