Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
