and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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