i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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