He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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